I almost forgot….in the psychotic mess that today turned out to be, it’s Valentine’s day.
Happy Valentine’s Day, to those of you who celebrate it. I do not, because I feel it’s a fake holiday, mostly because it is.
Coincidentally, I found out today that my nephew’s heart happens to stop beating sometimes. It’s a treatable issue, but he’ll have to have a pacemaker for the rest of his life. He’s 12. He’ll never be able to play contact sports. He’ll not be able to ride the really fun roller coasters. There’s a lot that he’ll not be able to do.
It’s hard- on him, his mom, and on me. I’ve known this kid since he was in my nonbiological sister’s womb. I was there when he was in the hospital at two years old, in ICU because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They thought he was going to die because almost every major organ had started failing and then he magically got better and seemed to have recovered within a week to complete health. Of course, two weeks later he would be life flighted to the University hospital two hours away, and then to San Francisco where they determined he had stage 2 e. Coli (which, at his age, had a 97% mortality rate). For a second time, we thought he would die. Miraculously, he didn’t. He lived. He seemed to have fully recovered- his kidney function has always been normal, which is something the doctors were afraid wouldn’t be so.
So, that’s how I spent my Valentine’s day – talking to my nonbiological sister about how she would handle it and hoping he’ll understand and not be bitter about things he’ll never have the choice to experience, and then trying to block it out to function through volunteering at the high school because I couldn’t break down. And now it’s 10:33 PM. I’m going to bed to finally cry and just let go of it all. Tomorrow I’ll call nb sister to see how it went. She’s still dealing with the death of her best friend in May, who had a massive heart attack. I can’t even begin to imagine what this is doing to her.
But tonight, I deal with me so that tomorrow I can be strong for her.