Just Another Manic…Fill-In-The-Blank-day.
For those of you that follow me on Twitter, I’ve deactivated it. I’m not sure if I’ll bring it back at this moment, but it’s always a possibility.
Honestly, my deactivation decision had nothing to do with anyone, contrary to some rumours and beliefs. I literally spent maybe 5 minutes weighing what benefit it was really bringing me at this point versus the cons and ultimately decided to deactivate.
Truth is, I have so much going on in my life that maybe only one or two of you really, truly realize. It’s all started coming to a head and I’ve hit the point where I literally cannot think straight. I’m so stressed that I’ve developed what I call the ‘overworked purge’- where your brain can’t process and starts shoving things out of memory at random. Not good, considering we have a memory for a reason. I think it’s to remember things, but I can’t remember anymore at this point. I know it’s important though
I have a divorce that was supposed to be final on the 8th of this month, but wasn’t for technical reasons. I’m still waiting on that. The divorce is one thing, but there are so many other things that are waiting on that final judgement. That one act – the judge signing off on the agreement – triggers so many other things. I have to get a new social security card and new driver’s license with my changed name. I have to have that decree, all for a position I’ve applied for in Southern California. That’s not including everything else I have to gather for my background interview for this position later this month, which in itself is probably a full time job.
Oh, yes, jobs. I’m still looking for one of those, to help pay the bills til I get hired on for this position (which I will. I refuse to let myself think otherwise). That’s not going oh-so-well, either. I’m lucky that I’m eligible for unemployment, or I would really be hurting. I’m still waiting to hear back from the DA’s office for my internship, I still volunteer 6+ hours a week with the high school’s Mock Trial team.
There are family issues that I would rather not share on here. And believe me, no one knows the extent of those. I might share what’s going on with Amber when I see her early next month, but that’s something you sit down and talk about face to face. It’s really that bad…I believe many of you would be shocked to know what my family and I deal with daily. It’s not a walk in the park. I’d take my crappy, emotionally neglectful marriage over this, if that tells you anything at all. I’ve been going to counseling. Seems like we get in this rhythm, this routine for a bit, and then I’m gone for a week, or in this case, two. She’s an amazing counselor. She calls me on my bs, without pushing too hard. She doesn’t poke the raw, tender areas, but we’ve started to touch on them. We’ve gotten past the honeymoon stage, finally. While this will help me in the long run, it’s still extremely stressful and has heightened my emotions considerably.
On top of this, I’m still doing CrossFit 3x a week. I’ve recently started running. I’m trying for 5x a week, but it hasn’t quite got there yet. It will. I’ll make it. Breathing is still an issue, but at least I can breathe for the most part at the end. I’ve been trying to cut my fat, which has been trying as well. Oh, and drinking a gallon of water daily. I think I’ve gotten to that point maybe 3 days in the last week and a half.
That’s not even the tip of the iceberg, truly. I don’t even have the time to keep up with my friends, and I feel terrible for neglecting them even though they understand. Thankfully I’m getting together with B and my baby niece Lulu tomorrow for lunch, which will be nice to just unwind. This weekend, L and I are going to the firing range for a bit and then sushi. Again, another good time to just forget and laugh and not think. I think too much these days.
So, there you go. My life, in a nutshell. I’m still happy, but it’s mellowed out some in light of everything I’m going through. I hope it’s a bit more obvious why Twitter was just too much on top of everything else. When I dread doing something that once used to be fun, that’s a warning sign. Something has to change, and it will, with time. I hope all of you are doing well, and I miss you much.
Til next time.