When Nothing but Crossfit Will Do
This weekend was a bit stressful. There was the whole deal with my parents at church are the scene my dad caused when I refused to take the communion bread because it was made with whole wheat and for those of you coming in late, I’m gluten intolerant. I’m not so bad that I’ll have an allergic reaction immediately, or can’t touch it (although I probably shouldn’t just to be safe) or that some minute trace amounts are going to kill me, but even a little bit is like poison to me so I’m not going to ingest it whether it’s representative of Christ’s body or not. Sorry, I think God will understand and if not, that’s between him and me, not anyone else. Needless to say, I took some of it to stop him from the scene he was making, shoved it in my pocket while we were praying, pretended to eat it and then threw it away later. Then there was the freak out I gave myself last night and let’s just say, it’s continued in a very upwards exponential trend this morning as well. I’m leaving it at that.
Needless to say, days like today are why I look forward to Crossfit. Thankfully I have a class tonight, otherwise I’d go pound some asphalt until I didn’t give a damn anymore. Crossfit is my ‘me’ time. It’s where everything comes out- my frustrations, my neurosis, my stress, my anger, everything that I need to let go of- gets transferred into the energy that drives me through that work out. Crossfit is my religion, my opiate. It doesn’t lie to me, it doesn’t give me false hope. It doesn’t tell me I’m the best or the worst, it tells me strictly what I am and what I’m capable of achieving and nothing more or less. It simultaneously kicks my ass while silently priding me on a newly set PR. It’s my personal psychotherapy between me, the pavement, weights and the pullup bars. Or the mats, or the rope. It never judges me. It never ridicules me or makes me feel less than. It never abandons or neglects me or shames me, although I do plenty of self-shaming when I don’t put in enough effort. It’s my best friend when I’m my own worst enemy.
I know that on days like today, when my mind is a mess and nearly fried from the anxiety and concern and just humanness of my situation, when I feel like I have a huge weight on me for many reasons, that I will show up to class, I will put everything I have into that hour and I will push myself beyond my reasonable limits and come out too exhausted to do any worrying or stressing. It’s amazing how much becomes so clear when you don’t have anxiety and stress clouding your thoughts.
Someone hand me a kettlebell already. I have some shit I need to work out.